A practical guide to moving, living, working & traveling in Greece, plus tips and narratives from an American in Athens
July 27, 2007 at 07:52
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1. No one ever asks you to hold the white handkerchief while Greek dancing
2. You thought Greek salad had lettuce in it
3. You don’t know how to use a κομπολóγοι
4. You went to the Acropolis by choice, not because your school forced you to go on a field trip
5. You never tell people “πυρες καποια κιλα” (you’ve gained some weight) upon greeting them
6. There are no religious icons in your home or car
7. You call it Diet Coke like the rest of the world, not Coke Light
8. No one asks you what village you’re from
9. You call them the green and red team, not Panathinaikos and Olympiakos
10. Your name has a ‘b,’ ‘c,’ ‘g,’ ‘j’ or ‘w’ in it
11. You and your family have no olive trees
12. You don’t know the difference between tzatziki and tzitziki
13. You eat dinner before 21:00
14. You don’t know any jokes about Turks
15. You don’t spend any part of New Year’s Eve with your parents
16. You remember the days of using a checkbook and paying bills by mail
17. The donkey you’ve been photographed with doesn’t belong to you or anyone you know
18. You’ve never ordered a Greek Mac at McDonald’s (for those abroad, it’s a pita wrapped around a breaded questionable meat patty, lettuce and dressing)
19. You say ‘thank you’ on a regular basis and think it’s normal
20. Your name doesn’t end in ‘opoulos,’ ‘os,’ ‘as’ or ‘is.’
21. You know what ‘personal space’ is
22. You have actually tasted authentic cuisine from other countries, not just Greek food or ethnic food that’s been “Greeked” (i.e. Gyros pizza from Domino’s, pork teriyaki sushi hand roll, bruschetta with feta cheese)
23. You haven’t bribed anyone and don’t know anyone who has
24. You know that Nescafé is not real coffee
25. You don’t make the sign of a cross every time you pass a church
26. You’re a male under 30 and know how to do your own laundry
27. Not everything you cook has olive oil in it
28. You think public transportation is a perfectly good environmentally friendly way to get around, it’s not just for students, immigrants, soldiers and other “poor people”
29. You mind the queue
30. You don’t say things like “We Americans are everywhere,” as if there were no other nationalities that are everywhere
31. You went to college, not university
32. You finished your degree in 4 years and probably financed it yourself
33. All of your friends are named something different, there aren’t 10 Nikos, 5 Giorgos, 10 Yannis, 5 Katerinas and 7 Marias in your life
34. You vacation somewhere other than Greece and think it’s better
35. You don’t b!tch about expensive last-minute prices because you made vacation plans in advance
36. You say ‘I don’t know’ instead of making something up when you don’t know the answer to a question
37. You show up early or on time for appointments because you respect other people’s time
38. Not every surface in your house is covered by a white cloth with needlepoint
39. You drive the speed limit most of the time
40. You’re a woman and don’t think foreigners are trying to “steal your men”
41. Easter is not the most important holiday of the year
42. You don’t order your filet mignon ‘well done’ or at least don’t make faces or launch into a lecture about bacteria and blood if someone else likes ‘medium rare’
43. Your cousins are not all named after your grandmother or grandfather
44. An entourage doesn’t meet you at the airport
45. You don’t think all Albanians are thieves
46. You say “turn on/off the lights,” and your Greek friends don’t understand you
47. You moved out of your parents’ house before age 25 and not because they gave you property or because you got married
48. When you travel, you make friends with everyone not just people from your own country
49. You don’t make references to what your country did hundreds of years ago and then take credit for it
50. You complain about the public sector and don’t want a job in it
51. You know what a ’silent voice’ is
52. You think that eating off separate plates, and not a community one, is perfectly fine
53. You’ve never been hit in the head with a παντουφλα or κουταλα
54. You don’t get upset if someone says Istanbul instead of Constantinople
55. You don’t buy out the whole supermarket when it’s about to close for a 24-hour holiday
56. You don’t still refer to prices in drachmas
57. You know the Interamerican in Athens is a very short building
58. You think that many things taste fine without bread and lemon
59. People point it out for you all the time by calling you “ξενος,” “Americanida,” “the guy from Munich” or anything else that’s not your name
* 
I created this list for fun. It is not a copied list from somewhere else, and it (for the most part) pertains to Greeks living in the patrida not Greeks abroad.
Related posts
“Growing nostalgia”
“More windows on Greek TV than my house”
“Four songs in Greek that always make me cry”
Photo from my collection, Easter dinner/dance 2003 inside the Evzone camp of Athens
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Right…. OK
So I took your test and it appears I am actually Greek!
Who’d have thought?
I took the test and I am so not Greek, it’s a joke (although I get ALL the references and laughed my head off). I guess that makes me an honorary Greek?
PIC wrote @ July 27th, 2007 at 15:25
Don’t forget:
- You tell your Greek friends that you put your daughter to bed at 8pm so she can get up on time for school and everyone looks at you like you are an alien, since their kids go to bed at 11pm!
rositta wrote @ July 27th, 2007 at 18:08
Well, my name ends in ‘as’ and I’m definately not Greek. That is a very good list and a very true one. I have lived through or heard most of this stuff from my husband’s family… ciao
melusina wrote @ July 27th, 2007 at 19:33
Lol. Unfortunately, some of those things are true for me. But I’m definitely not Greek, just married to one!
according to your list, i’m not greek. but then i am. but i don’t feel greek but sometimes i do.
I’M SO CONFUSED.
i’m a citizen of the world! better huh?
in all seriousness though, i’ve often wrestled with the idea that being greek has nothing to do with the stereotypes — even if they’re self-imposed by greeks themselves.
Sydney wrote @ July 28th, 2007 at 01:18
Great list! How about – You’re not Greek if you’ve ever thought, “I wonder if it’s okay to smoke here?”
tayrina wrote @ July 29th, 2007 at 01:17
great list!it seems like you’ve really gotten the idea of the greek mentality.i would also add…u know u r not greek if u don’t use the word ”μαλάκας” 3.324 times a day either being good intentioned or bad to the person u r talking to.
Too funny! 7, 14, 16, 19, 21, 29, 32 and 39 would also be candidates for the You Know You’re Not German If…. list.
yiannos wrote @ July 29th, 2007 at 20:11
LOL @ 40+51 especially, although the whole list is great. Greek women thinking other women are trying to their steal their men–whether foreign or otherwise–is definitely on the mark; some of them are paranoid beyond belief. i know this from first and second hand experience. they like to play the whole ‘i don’t need you’ game, but whenever they see you talking to another woman, you NEVER hear the end of it. i kept having to joke to my old Greek gf that i’m not all that desirable to women as attractive as she was, but the joke would fly over her head hahah
yiannos wrote @ July 29th, 2007 at 23:12
^^kat, although i may not be my place to say, i’m under the impression that young to younger greek women (under 40) are more aggressive in this regard due to the ’subordinate past’ and the rubbish they may have seen their mothers, grandmothers, aunties, friends put up with, but also their own negative attitudes about men, their $exual prowess, and the lack of morals they associate with it; unfortunately many of them (not all) choose to deal with the situation wrongly, mostly via preemptive strike tactics, esp the old ‘candy and cyanide’ trick, routinely mixing sweetness with lethal doses of poison.
not exactly healthy is it?
btw, i guess what i posted isn’t all that relevant since you were speaking from the position of a ‘foreigner’, but it still paints a picture either way, at least in my head.
PIC wrote @ July 30th, 2007 at 12:49
Kat,
You really have had some bad experiences with Greeks (from reading your stories). Do you live in a working class (read: upscale foreigners scarce) area? I feel so bad when I hear that you have had such a bad time. You must be extremely attractive and such a big threat to the Greek women, or they have perceived you as being from Albania, and then they can be really nasty.
My Greek men friends tend to be Greek-Americans ONLY except for a few and that’s because most Greek men I’ve befriended bore me. I don’t like Soccer, I don’t smoke, I don’t use curse words, and I don’t like sitting at cafe’s all day burning daylight, and I don’t like to discuss how great Greece is 24 hours a day.
Megan wrote @ July 30th, 2007 at 15:48
My favorite: 17. The donkey you’ve been photographed with doesn’t belong to you or anyone you know
Sydney wrote @ July 30th, 2007 at 18:06
Yes, lots of Europeans smoke, and lots of Greeks don’t, but Greece is the only place I’ve been where people will smoke in your home when you don’t, in the blood lab at the hospital (saw it with my own eyes!), in the dentist and doctor’s office, and in the grocery store. It seemed to me that the Greeks I knew who smoked (and most of them didn’t, actually – but the ones who did) never had a thought about whether lighting up was appropriate for the location. FWIW, that’s my $.02.
PIC wrote @ July 30th, 2007 at 21:56
Sydney, my doctor (nice guy) smoked the first two times I visited him. On the third visit, I told him I really appreciated his kind bedside manner and really appreciated his caring nature. Then I asked him if he would not smoke while I was in his office because a relative died of cancer (lung cancer) and although he tried to convince him that smoking is not the only thing that can kill you, he promised not to smoke in the office again while I’m there. HE NEVER DID.. So, just ask em not to…
anastako wrote @ August 1st, 2007 at 00:34
I stumbled upon accidentally. OK well, I am Greek and is it wrong that I enjoy all of these ?? This is our culture our way of life , our traditions, I know a lot of Greeks who say thank you frequently, or who do not smoke in public, and I also know a lot of tourists here in Greece who do not respect anything. I have seen people in NY behave worse sometimes, and at least in Greece if you fall on the street, someone will come and ask “are you all right?”!
BTW I visited Parthenon because I wanted it, not because i was obliged….
But as with a humor point of view I sure laughed !!
Wish the Best!
thomas wrote @ August 3rd, 2007 at 20:32
I’ve visited greece countless times. I thought about moving there permanently at one point. I have many greek friends. I am greek orthodox and grew up listenng to Marinela and Xilouris. It always bothered me to see how greeks dislike albanians, though. It seems that the whole nation is unable to differentiate between a few criminals and honest, hard working people.
Both my parents are of greek ancestry.Half my mother’s family actually was lucky enough to be in Athens when the borders closed in 1945, thus avoiding being trapped behind the iron curtain. My grandfather was tried as a fictitious greek spy.
I have never been discriminated in Greece. My friends would never even remotely allow it and I can stand up for myself. And the reason why people resort to stereotyping is just pure ignorance. I don’t think greeks are homo$exuals or their ideal romantic encounters involve minors.
The reality is clear. The Balkans have a long way to go before neighbours can fully trust each other.
Greeting from Florida
Dimitris wrote @ August 4th, 2007 at 18:17
Kali malakitsa, plaka eixe!
Greeks work to live and dont live to work!
S G wrote @ August 7th, 2007 at 14:34
wow according to your test, many Europeans are half Greek (cmon you should know the comma/dot thing is a European thing, the same about university/college) and I am only 30% Greek!
dealsend wrote @ August 7th, 2007 at 14:44
Kat, I enjoyed your list very much!!
I dont agree with no 50 though:
50. You complain about the public sector and don’t want a job in it
[...and you DO want a job in it!!!...]
I also read the last comment from Dimitris, I didnt see anything offending for you or your post. When you have a public blog you must accept all kinds of comments, btw the guy didnt write anything wrong, he was a bit ironic that was all.
Anyway, you’re on my rss reader…so I wait to read more for you!!
yiannos wrote @ August 7th, 2007 at 15:50
greeks and irony=dicey proposition. sarcasm and humor are not too well understood there ;-0
PIC wrote @ August 7th, 2007 at 20:46
Kat, many greeks say they are being Ironic, but I always think it’s sarcasm.
What is the the difference between sarcasm and Irony? I don’t think Dimitri is being Ironic, but rather sarcastic.
Do you agree?
dealsend wrote @ August 7th, 2007 at 20:32
More or less we agree, or we have nothing to disagree if u like.
This is not a compliment, it shows like your blog will become a book very soon. Some years ago I read a book quite similar to your blog, I cant recall the title but it was good fun.
This blog is 1000 times better !!
Dont comment on this comment
Ciao
Kat wrote @ August 8th, 2007 at 22:29
Re: Sarcasm vs. Irony
I think the difference between the two is sarcasm carries a sneering insulting overtone, and irony is based more on wit. To me, it doesn’t matter which one it is. Everyone is entitled to their opinion about this list, which I keep reminding people is supposed to be funny! Oh the despair! Doesn’t anyone appreciate my sense of humor?!!! 
Re: Compliments, real or imagined
I believe we do agree on many things. You said not to comment, but I appreciate what you said nonetheless. I’ve read a lot of books on Greece (in English) and I can’t think of any that are similar to me or this blog. I’m glad you entered a link to your blog this time also – I find some of your posts entertaining.
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In closing off comments, readers must remember 3 things:
1. This was a list done with humor and fun
2. All stereotypes are based on some truth, whether we like to admit it or not (i.e. Americans are fat, stupid and can’t speak any other languages but English)
3. There are always exceptions to the rule because we’re all different (i.e. I’m 48 kilos, educated and speak 4 languages)
I sincerely appreciate the interest shown in this post. Thanks!
Jacquelyn wrote @ February 9th, 2010 at 01:18
Quite possibly one of the funniest things I’ve ever read – and so incredibly true.
Sorry, comments are closed at this time.
Athens
68°
Kat on 
Christos on 
hameed on 
fanny on 
Melissa on 
Marcela on 
Kat Reply:
July 27th, 2007 at 21:36
ED – What a shocker!